his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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