Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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