he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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