i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
