ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
