We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
