His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
