i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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