ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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