Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
