you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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