I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize