please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love you. Go after that dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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