Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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