if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
