you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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