so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
