I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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