All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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