i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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