I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
