i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
