Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
