I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
