fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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