I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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