belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
