Your face is a jimmy john
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
