Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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