Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
