glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
