We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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