my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
