I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
