On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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