I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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