My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
