I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
