I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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