What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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