It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
