2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize