I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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