She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
