Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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