Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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