even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
