**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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