didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
