Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
