I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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