the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
