just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize