bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish life had little blips of pornography
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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