I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
