do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
