fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize