Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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