I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
