He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
