i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
