Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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