we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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