If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
