Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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