Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize