dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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