I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
