and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
